Susie Cave can do no wrong with her ultra romantic label, The Vampire’s Wife. Now, in partnership with film and theatre costume designer Alice Babidge, Cave has created an otherworldly new collection, ‘Pussy Bow’, and enlisted her closest friends and collaborators to star in the campaign. 

The collection features exaggerated takes on all the hallmarks of Cave’s brand, from street-sweeping and sky-high hemlines, voluminous sleeves and tight cuffs, to the most sumptuous of fabrics. The lookbook’s all-star cast includes the inimitable Kate Moss, wearing the metallic Mayhem minidress, Keira Knightley in the eponymous Keira dress, all florals and bow sleeves, and a trio dressed head-to-toe in vampish black: Cave herself, her beloved singer-songwriter husband Nick, and fellow designer and old friend Bella Freud.

Shot by Casper Sejersen, further guests featured in the campaign include photographer Mary McCartney, who wears her American Chevron evening dress with Converse kicks, art director Simon B. Mørch in the ruffled lace Early dress, and legendary milliner Philip Treacy and husband Stefan Bartlett standing either side of Cave, who wears the glorious pussybow Total Mayhem dress. 

Cave, who was one of the industry’s most prominent models during the 1990s, has been shot by everyone from Helmut Newton to Steven Meisel but is now better known for being the contemporary actress and musician’s dressmaker of choice. Founding The Vampire’s Wife (named after an unfinished novel by Nick which ruminates on the muse and the creative process) back in 2014, her clientele includes the likes of Florence Welch, Dakota Johnson, Alexa Chung and Chloë Grace Moretz, all drawn to the hyperfeminine silhouettes and rich fabrics of her pieces.

The Vampire’s Wife has gone from cult label to red carpet-approved, but no matter how many household names champion her clothes, Cave’s aesthetic DNA is as palpable as ever. 

Pussy Bow is available online at The Vampire’s Wife from today.

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In 2016, Grace Lombardo received a devastating breast cancer diagnosis that resulted in a double mastectomy. As the mother-of-three struggled to accept her new appearance and the sense that she’d lost control over her own body, Lombardo decided to get a mastectomy tattoo across her breasts and ribcage to cover the scars the surgery left behind. This October, Lombardo stars in a Breast Cancer Awareness campaign for hot-tools brand GHD, which has empowered her to tell her story and show her tattoo to people all over the world. Two years after her mastectomy tattoo, Lombardo tells us, in her own words, how it’s changed her life. The following interview was told to Rachel Lubitz and edited for length and clarity.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on April 19, 2016. I was 35 years old, had three kids under the age of seven, and was in the best physical shape of my life. I don’t carry any of the known genetic markers — I’m just one of those people who randomly got the disease young with no discernible reason.

29 days later, on May 18, I had a double mastectomy. I didn’t allow myself to do too much research. I just thought, This is what’s coming for me. That was hard, because I’m the type of person who craves control. I just had to let go completely and trust in the medical team. I was able to keep my nipples, so when they took the bandages off after surgery, my breasts kind of looked the same. Looking in the mirror was a different story — that’s when you see the gory details of all the stitching and the drains hanging off the sides of your body.

After a mastectomy, you have no physical sensation or nerve receptors in your breasts at all. I didn’t touch my breasts or interact with them for months; they were just off-limits to me. They feel really cold, because there’s no blood flowing to them anymore — no one told me that would happen. It took a while for me to truly realise the devastation of losing my breasts. When I did, months down the line, it was really tragic. It felt like a real loss of control and my femininity.

Around two weeks after I had my reconstructive surgery, there was a front-page article in The Chicago Tribune about David Allen, who is known for his beautiful mastectomy tattoos. Multiple family members and friends sent me the link to the story. I went to his website, looked through the pictures, and instantly knew I was going to do it, even though I had never had a tattoo before — I was just a regular suburban woman who drives a minivan. This was something I was going to be able to choose to do for myself, to cover up this area of my body that I hated to look at, and I was going to put something there that made me happy.

David makes it really easy: You send him a photograph of the area you want tattooed and you point out what you do and do not like, then he picks designs that he thinks will best achieve your goal. The one I ended up picking is an old French sketch of multiple roses that are towards the end of their lives. There was something about the metaphor there: It’s so beautiful, but if you really look at it, the thorns show that there are hard, pointy, scary things that happen, even to the most beautiful flower.

I had my tattoo done on the one-year anniversary of my mastectomy: May 18, 2017. That day held every emotion that I have available to me. We did it in about four hours. During the tattooing process, we talked about how I felt that my body had been mutilated, and had turned into something that was like a traitor to me. It was wild to sit in that chair and think that, just a little over a year ago, I didn’t see anything coming. Now I have a short, spiky blonde mohawk, new breasts that don’t do anything, and I’m getting a huge tattoo. I cried multiple times from the power of it all, and at the end, I tearfully thanked David for giving me a piece of my body back. I really felt that way. 

Part of getting the tattoo was saying, No way, cancer. Your time is up. I’m doing something for me in the place you tried to destroy. The great thing is that when I look down at it now, I don’t always think about the cancer. I figured I always would, but now, sometimes I look at it and think, That is so dope, and I’m so glad it’s there. I’m always shopping for shirts that have big arm holes, looking for ways to show it off, and it makes me feel cool whenever I’m at the gym and it’s peeking out of a sports bra.

My tattoo represents the ability to show other women that we have options and we can take back control of our bodies. There’s a million things I can’t do, but I can show this off and tell the story. 

That’s part of why this partnership with GHD was so exciting for me. David signed on with them for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, because they wanted to showcase mastectomy tattoos and women who have had them. They asked him who he’s tattooed who’d be willing to do this with them, and he said my name. They called me and I was like, ‘You got the wrong girl. I’ve got horrible hair.’ They were like, ‘That’s not what it’s about. We want a powerful woman who’s reclaimed her body with this tattoo.’ That’s all I needed to hear. 

As part of this campaign, I’m doing photoshoots with 30 people in the room who tell me I look beautiful and are listening to my story. It’s been such a magical experience for a person who’s had their ego taken away from them about how they look. I’ve met women all over the world now who aren’t comfortable telling people they’ve had a mastectomy — not even family sometimes. When they see what this tattoo has done for me and the fact that I’m willing to show it in a beauty campaign, it seems to transfer power over to them. That feels like a gift to me. I’ve said it before: Whether I’m done with breast cancer or I get it again, this alone was worth it. 

It’s hard to put into words the power this tattoo has given me. In my neighbourhood, everyone knew me as the poor mom who has cancer. Everyone was having to explain to their children why my children’s mom was bald. But now my identity is the badass mastectomy tattoo lady, and that feels 100% correct. I have this side of me that’s almost like my alter ego, the badass survivor who carries the art of war on my body. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more like myself. 

Special thanks to the documentary Grace for providing additional footage of Lombardo and Allen. 

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Black History Is Happening Right Now

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In 1961 Diane Munday was in her late 20s. Married with three kids under the age of four, she got pregnant. Instantly she was certain – with every fibre of her being – that she couldn’t have another child, physically, psychologically or financially. 

She wanted an abortion but the procedure was illegal. It’s hard to fathom that, with the so-called sexual revolution in full swing, the availability of the contraceptive pill for the first time and the advent of free love, Britain’s abortion legislation at the time consisted of a Victorian law – the 1861 Offences Against the Person Act – but it did. 

That piece of legislation made it a criminal offence for women to procure terminations and for medical professionals to perform them. Anyone who did so – including Diane – could be jailed for life. 

That didn’t mean abortions didn’t happen, though. It just meant they weren’t safe. Backstreet abortions were a feature of everyday life and, as Diane reflects now from her mid-century modern living room in the same semi-detached home she inhabited at the time of her abortion, “hospitals would keep beds open after payday for women suffering complications from botched procedures”. 

Some abortions were allowed, in very limited circumstances to save a woman’s life or preserve her health. This was because of the Bourne judgement of 1938, which allowed for a pregnancy to be ended if it made “the woman a physical or mental wreck”. However, these often came at a high price. 

Diane was fortunate in many ways. She was able to pay a decent doctor and “buy” a legal abortion, as she puts it. It wasn’t cheap. She says she was quoted £150 initially but managed to negotiate it down to “around £90 plus a psychiatrist’s fee” which came in at approximately a tenth of her husband’s annual salary at the time. Fortunately, there were no complications, though if either Diane or her doctor had been found out they could have been prosecuted and imprisoned. However, an acquaintance had not been so lucky. 

“As I was coming around from the anaesthetic, all I could think about was a family friend – she had been a dressmaker,” Diane says, sitting on an Ercol chair in her living room, sipping coffee. “She had been in a similar situation to me, but she didn’t have a chequebook to wave around in Harley Street so she went to a backstreet abortionist.”

She looks solemn for a moment and then says, starkly: “She died because my husband earned more than hers.”

In the decade that led up to the 1967 Act, abortion actually became the leading cause of maternal deaths. There were between 50 and 60 women dying each year as the result of an unsafe abortion. Diane notes: “I’ll never forget speaking to the doctors at St Bart’s hospital in east London, where I was working as a researcher. They kept beds open every week, after payday, because they knew how many women would be admitted because of serious complications like septic bleeding from backstreet abortions.”

It was after her own abortion, convinced that Britain’s restrictive laws were creating “one world for women with money and another for women without” that Diane began campaigning with the Abortion Law Reform Association. “I bought my health, my safety, I bought a mother for my children, I bought a wife for my husband,” she says. 

At the time, there was also a sharp focus on the fallout of the thalidomide disaster. In 1962, it was revealed that thousands of children had been affected by severe and even fatal foetal abnormalities after their mothers were prescribed the drug for morning sickness and sleeplessness. Because of the strict abortion laws in place, even women who knew their unborn baby might have been affected by the drug could not ask for the pregnancy to be terminated. 

“I’ll never forget the first time I stood up and said I had had an abortion at a Reform Association meeting,” Diane says, smiling. “There was a gasp from a lot of people in the room. We didn’t grow up hearing about abortions, you know, it was all very hush-hush. Even talking about it at all was radical.”

Today, women still use their stories as catalysts to bring about change. We’ve seen it on a global scale with the #MeToo movement online. What Diane and the other women did as part of the abortion reform movement was no different – they told stories, raised awareness, tried to change opinions and do away with stigma. They humanised an issue that those who were against abortion had done everything they could do to dehumanise. 

“After I told my story, a lot of people came up to me and told me that they hadn’t actually heard anyone speak like that about an abortion before,” Diane reflects. This decision to tell her story at a time when nobody spoke openly about abortion was radical. She was one of only a handful of women to do so.

“One by one, as I gave more talks, women from all walks of life would come up to me and say that they, too, had had an abortion. I realised then what a powerful weapon telling your story was – it made it clear that abortion was not about some nebulous woman in some nebulous place. It was me, them, here and now.” 

The Abortion Law Reform Association then sent a questionnaire to prospective MPs. One – a Liberal Democrat named David Steel – ticked the box which asked whether they would consider introducing a bill to reform abortion law if they were elected. 

Steel was elected in 1965 and his private member’s bill was selected in the House of Commons. That bill passed after an all-night sitting on 27th October 1967, becoming what we now know as the Abortion Act. 

Diane was there, in Westminster. “We stayed up all night,” she says, “just to keep things going.” But when it did pass she was in no mood for celebrating. 

“It sounds awful, but I was disappointed,” she reflects, coming to life and sitting bolt upright in her chair.

“We sat on parliament’s terrace, which looks out onto the Thames, and I couldn’t help but feel there was more to be done. Champagne was poured and I said, ‘I only want half a glass because the job is only half done’.”

This, she adds, is because she knew that the Act wouldn’t apply to Northern Ireland. “We were leaving those women behind,” she says. “I also knew that it didn’t go anywhere near as far as it should in England and Wales (the law works slightly differently in Scotland) so it was always my hope to be able to complete the job.” 

In order to get the Act over the line, concessions had been made. Two doctors were required to sign off on an abortion, they were only allowed to be carried out in certain places and, crucially, the 1861 Act was not repealed but legislated over. This meant that despite the legalisation of abortion, it was still technically a criminal offence. 

Trying to interview Diane about her campaigning is not always easy. She is impatient for change and, perhaps, tired of journalists asking her the same questions on a loop while nothing changes. 

“We compromised,” Diane says bitterly when I press her on her feelings about the ‘67 Act. “I always objected to the idea that doctors should sign off on a woman’s behalf – it is our decision what we do with our bodies. I’ve said ever since that it is my life’s work to see abortion decriminalised and made a medical as opposed to a criminal matter once and for all.”

Over the years, Diane has received abuse. Red paint was splattered across her car, to symbolise the blood of the children she had supposedly murdered through her successful campaigning. She has a thick skin but is barely able to conceal the fact that the anti-abortion lobby in Britain still riles her. 

She says she won’t rest until the 1861 Act no longer has any bearing on abortion law in Britain. 

“We need decriminalisation for theoretical and practical reasons,” she says. “The arguments for it are exactly the same as they were in the 1960s. Without it, women in 2020 will still be governed by an act of 1861. The world was different then, women’s place in the world was different. The world has changed but abortion law has not.”

More than 50 years after the 1967 Abortion Act passed in the House of Commons, Diane Munday is still here, still talking and still telling the same story over and over again because she knows that’s how to bring about real change. 

Please sign our petition and help us change the law to fix abortion provision once and for all.

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On the morning of 10th April 1998, a new dawn broke in Northern Ireland – the Good Friday Agreement brought an end to the sectarian conflict known as The Troubles. After decades of violence, death and destruction among the Unionist and Nationalist communities that defined generations, the agreement ushered in a new era of peace and progress. 

At 4 years old, I was one of the ‘ceasefire babies’ – a generation that our parents believed would witness growth and change, reap expanding opportunities outside of traditions and army checkpoints. 

In the two decades since, it has been an imperfect peace, at once turbulent and static. Stormont (NI’s government) collapsed over 1,000 days ago and without a functioning assembly, paramilitaries strengthen, Brexit chaos looms large, vital legislation for the mental health crisis and domestic abuse falls away, and NI lags behind on urgent human rights issues – specifically, LGBTQ+ rights and abortion rights.

But this week, the Northern Irish people have once again woken up to a horizon-broadening political landscape, despite the mess of Brexit and Boris’ backstop. An amendment pushed through by Labour MP Stella Creasy was voted in by Westminster earlier this year, decreeing that should Stormont and its leading parties – the DUP (yep, the evangelical dinosaurs that have propped up the Tory government) and nationalist party Sinn Féin – fail to reform the executive before 21st October, Northern Ireland’s restrictive abortion laws would be overhauled. 

And so, NI has gone from having some of the world’s most constricting laws on abortion – the archaic 1861 Offences Against the Person Act, upholding that abortion is only available if significant risk to a pregnant person’s life can be proved, illegal even in cases of rape and incest – to the UK’s most liberal. 

Yet on this monumental day, four people will still travel from NI to access abortion elsewhere in Britain, like thousands before them. For many, a defining moment in their life will be compounded by the lack of vital healthcare afforded to our English, Scottish and Welsh counterparts. 

As this week approached, the DUP and the anti-choice movement attempted to bolster national and religious identity to stop reform. The DUP’s leader, Arlene Foster, met with religious leaders and paramilitary leaders, while party members Gavin Robinson and Jeffrey Donaldson have attempted to paint abortion as a partisan issue. 

For the nationalist community, the ongoing issue of the Irish Language Act has been pitted against abortion decriminalisation. Recently, while I was attending Saturday mass at home, my local Catholic priest preached emphatically about defying “English, Westminster intervention”. 

The Northern Ireland you probably see on the news can look conservative, two-dimensional and chaotic – especially with the DUP dominating discussions. But Northern Irish identity has always been textured and quirk-ridden. Characterised, yes, by religion and nationality, but neat social markers that were once ominous are now shared jokes, from how you say ‘H’ (‘haitch’ or ‘aitch’) to what refreshments are on offer after mass/church. 

If you’ve watched Channel 4’s Derry Girls you’ll remember a hilarious scene where they break down, absurdly, what’s Catholic and what’s Protestant. Who owns tea? Who has dibs on ABBA? People on Twitter even tried to work out Drag Race UK contestant Blu Hydrangea’s religious background. 

But in Northern Ireland, despite what our leaders want us to believe, we don’t live single-issue lives. I’m from a Catholic, Nationalist background but grew up in a DUP stronghold area, punctuated by paramilitary activity; in 1993, my father’s café was collateral damage in an IRA bomb. 

At school, my sex education was abstinence-based and shrouded by religion. Over the years I’ve campaigned for abortion rights. There have been some tough but vital family conversations about bodily autonomy, particularly with my mother who struggled with my pro-choice views. It almost fractured us but now I feel closer to her than ever, as we’ve found common ground – thankfully – as decriminalisation approaches. 

I’m not the only person whose life has been shaped by Northern Ireland’s abortion law. Now, as the legislation changes, many of us are able to take stock of how a future-facing, feminist perspective has changed our sense of our own identities. 

“Pro-choice activism has been the final nail in the metaphorical coffin of my Catholic upbringing,” Dr Maeve O’Brien, from County Tyrone, tells me. “It has ensured that my personal and social identity as an Irish woman from Tyrone is cemented in feminism, as opposed to any kind of identity shaped by the national question. Reproductive justice is the cornerstone of freedom for women, and neither the Catholic Church or Irish Nationalism, in my view, has this goal at their core.”

“I do not believe that ‘both sides’ should be engaged with in the abortion debate,” Dr O’Brien continues. “The objective of anti-choice fundamentalists is to go against EU law, WHO recommendations and to violate the human rights of women and girls. Such extremism should be de-platformed.”

Derry-based activist Shannon Patterson is from a Presbyterian, Unionist background. “Pro-choice activism for me 100% changed my sense of identity,” she explains. 

Going to an English university and becoming part of the Republic of Ireland’s Repeal the 8th campaign compounded it further for her. “I could no longer ignore how the world worked,” she explains. “I started quietly campaigning from England, my opinions were however left in England every time I flew home for holidays, and picked up again when I returned. I still felt guilt for removing the shackles of my upbringing, because NI wasn’t changing with me.”

“It was only when I had an abortion in England, safely and legally, that I really campaigned openly. I had to ask myself a lot of difficult questions, but having my abortion changed my life for the better. I joined Repeal – they gave me a platform and a voice. Activism gave me a new community, people who just wanted the world to be a kinder place for others.”

Many of the NI activists I speak to highlight the Irish Repeal campaign as a moment for interrogating their Irishness. “Post-repeal has only strengthened my convictions – continuing the fight in the north has brought out hardline misogyny from church and political elites,” says O’Brien. 

Rachel Watters, another NI activist who comes from a mixed Catholic and Presbyterian upbringing in Belfast, adds: “Being involved in a shared struggle and having a political education in what it means to be an Irish feminist changed my view of my identity.” 

“Now I would describe myself as an Irish woman before I would say I’m Northern Irish. Being involved in abortion rights campaigning has given me the chance to see that Irishness is not exclusive to the south or to people who have grown up always feeling Irish.”

The pro-choice movement recognises the delicate overlap of people’s politics, social dynamics, relationships and identities, best highlighted by the two hashtags used by campaigners: “#NowforNI” and “NowfortheNorth”, interchangeable, depending on whether people wish to define as Irish or Northern Irish. 

Emma Campbell of Alliance for Choice agrees: “The hashtags are really indicative of the identity issues here that we must respect.” A recent video from the group, #EqualityProds, rejecting DUP politician Gavin Robinson’s claims that abortion and equal marriage were partisan issues, featured a range of activists from the Unionist community declaring their support for change. “I’m proud to be a Prod for equality myself!” Campbell adds.

“Most people in Alliance for Choice – a movement of people from all backgrounds – put their social identity before their national one, but that doesn’t mean we don’t understand the people in NI who feel or vote differently. People don’t vote for the DUP because of their stance on abortion, they vote despite,” Campbell continues. “When the DUP isn’t succeeding – like right now – they try to turn it into one against the other.

“We consider ourselves part of an all-island movement because as far as we’re concerned, regardless of your politics, a change in the law for anyone on the island is beneficial for everybody,” she adds. 

The residual trauma of a conflict that polarised communities lives on in our politics; powers put in place by the Good Friday Agreement to satisfy ‘both sides’ have been actively used by political parties to halt progressive law reform. Though many feel they’ve moved past tribalist politics  – polls have shown people to be overwhelmingly more liberal on issues of LGBTQ+ and reproductive rights than our lawmakers would reflect – Northern Irish politicians still use identity as a bargaining chip. 

Danielle Roberts, also of Alliance for Choice, researched her PhD on the barriers to political participation for Unionist community women. “There was this idea that you have to choose between your Unionism or your feminism – if you’re a feminist Unionist, there’s no party for you,” she says. “People are still grappling with that.” 

“There’s a feeling in some parts of society that human rights are a Nationalist issue – but it isn’t, especially when issues like abortion, domestic violence or childcare provision are so out of step with Great Britain. We have to change those perceptions.” 

To soothe that tension, Campbell highlights that the group has had to “sell” Westminster’s intervention in NI laws to Nationalists as the repeal of British, colonial laws.

Both Campbell and Roberts highlight how pro-choice messaging has grown to be more inclusive, but it’s forever a learning process when it comes to diversity of race, class, accessibility and gender identity. The group uses the words ‘women and pregnant people’ in their campaigns to be inclusive of trans men; they provide refreshments and free transport to events where possible to help poorer people get involved; an upcoming workshop will centre disabled voices and the yearly vigil for Savita Halappanavar is led by a woman of colour. Their merch has also levelled up – the less confrontational and cerebral “Trust Women” slogans are now, proudly, “Abortion Rights Now”. Love Equality, NI’s largest LGBTQ+ campaign, stands in solidarity.

Eilish Graham, who is from Belfast but now lives in London, recalls how identifying openly as pro-choice was once more difficult. “Unlike today, it didn’t make you friends, even as recently as when I was at university around 2011,” Graham says. “It was isolating. Things have changed monumentally in such a short space of time.” 

Graham recalls feeling unwelcome in Queens University Belfast’s Catholic chaplaincy in the mid 2010s, when they were aware of her activism, and being ridiculed on the radio for her speech impediment when speaking about activism. Now, the university has an official pro-choice campaign group.

Many activists speak of the pro-choice community they’ve found – either online or in the real world – as a space for friendships and support networks. I myself met one of my greatest pals at a rally outside London’s Irish embassy, and we now co-run a pro-choice club night, Room for Rebellion, with other friends.

“To put it tritely, my CNR [Catholic, Nationalist, Republican] background family has been ‘on a journey’ due to my pro-choice activism, and I am proud to say we are a pro-choice house,” says O’Brien. “We now vote primarily in response to party stance on abortion rights – which means that Daniel McCrossan from the SDLP [a nationalist party, and an anti-choice candidate] for example, has lost first preferences in West Tyrone.”

“My friendships are exclusively with people who are pro-choice. Our bonds have only strengthened in the fight for decriminalisation in the north.”

Roberts adds: “I’ll wear my ‘Abortion Rights’ shirt to the shops and a woman with her trolley will just smile at me, or I was ordering a pizza last week and the woman taking my order said how much she loved my badge. Nice encounters like that are so much more frequent.”

Last year’s Life And Times Survey shows that Northern Ireland is largely pro-choice (75% in favour of reform); multiple women, like Sarah Ewart and Ashleigh Topley, have brought their cases to the courts and press, while thousands have protested in NI and beyond. 

While NI politicians attempt to protect the status quo and instil ‘us versus them’ politics, NI’s people are progressive, and proud of it. Growing up in Northern Ireland, our identity feels inherently political and something we continually have to fight for – our right to call ourselves Irish or British is in the courts, our peace structures are rattled by Brexit, our bodies and reproductive systems used as political pawns. Abortion law reform marks a political shift for the better – one that’s both personal and shared. 

As Campbell puts it: “We’re arriving into the 21st century together.”

Please sign our petition and help us change the law to fix abortion provision once and for all.

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Menstrual pad brand Always will no longer use the Venus symbol on its packaging, in a move that makes the products more inclusive of trans and non-binary customers. The symbol — a circle sitting on top of a cross — has traditionally been used to represent women. Always’ packaging change comes in response to customers urging the brand to make their period products more welcoming to people who don’t identify as women, but still menstruate.

According to CNN, Always’ parent company Proctor & Gamble announced the decision earlier today. “For over 35 years Always has championed girls and women, and we will continue to do so. We’re also committed to diversity & inclusion and are on a continual journey to understand the needs of all of our consumers,” the company said in a statement. “We routinely assess our products, packaging and designs, taking into account consumer feedback, to ensure we are meeting the needs of everyone who uses our products. The change to our pad wrapper design is consistent with that practice.”

Since Trans Visibility Day in March 2019, trans and non-binary customers and allies have been calling for the brand to change their design. “Could someone from Always tell me why it is imperative to have the female symbol on their sanitary products?” Twitter user Melly Bloom tweeted over the summer, via NBC News. “There are non-binary and trans folks who still need to use your products too you know!”

Activists are applauding the move. Steph deNormand, the Trans Health Program manager at Fenway Health, told NBC News, “For folks using these products on a nearly monthly basis, it can be harmful and distressing to see binary/gendered images, coding, language and symbols. So, using less coded products can make a huge difference. Trans and nonbinary folks are constantly misgendered, and a gesture like this can broaden out the experiences and open up spaces for those who need the products.”

The move has unfortunately sparked a transphobic backlash. The Daily Mail published an article about the packaging change with the title, “Transgender lobby forces sanitary towel-maker Always to ditch Venus logo from its products.”

Proctor & Gamble is standing by the decision — which they made in response to feedback, but which was not “forced.” In a statement to Snopes, they said, “After hearing from many people, we recognised that not everyone who has a period and needs to use a pad, identifies as female. To ensure that anyone who needs to use a period product feels comfortable with Always, we’re adjusting our pad wrapper design as part of our next round of product changes. As a global brand, our design updates will be adapted by multiple markets at various dates beginning in January/February 2020.”

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From ghosting to breadcrumbing to benching, sometimes it feels like we need an entire dictionary of words describing annoying dating behaviours. Well, someone call Merriam-Webster, because there’s a new term to learn: Paperclipping.

We’re not talking about any old paperclips here, but a particular paperclip that millennials know very well: Clippy, the Microsoft Word icon that would pop up to ask if you needed writing a letter or formatting a resume. Microsoft retired Clippy back in 2007, but he lives on in our memes and memories.

So what does Clippy have to do with dating? This summer, illustrator Samantha Rothenberg used the infamous icon as a visual for a certain kind of flaky behavior. A post on her Instagram account, Violet Claire, shows Clippy voicing some too-familiar sentiments.

“Sometimes I pop up for no reason at all,” Clippy says in the illustration. “See, the truth is, I’m damaged, flaky, and not particularly interested in you. But I don’t want you to forget I exist.”

View this post on Instagram

Who remembers clippy? 📎 well he’s here to make sure you don’t forget him 🤠

A post shared by Samantha Rothenberg (@violetclair) on Jul 18, 2019 at 9:29am PDT

Rothenberg’s ‘gram went and viral, and now “paperclipping” has been covered by the New York Post, Glamour, and NBC News, among other publications.

“To me, paperclipping is when someone has you on the back burner and feels like you’re about to go cold. They’ll reach out — not in attempt to see you, or move things forward — but to re-stoke the flame and make sure you’re still an option,” Rothenberg tells Refinery29. “It’s wildly common, and there’s something empowering about putting a name to the action — now, rather than letting a papperclipper give you false hope, you can call it out for what it is and move on.”

If you’re guilty of paperclipping someone, stop that immediately, eharmony’s resident relationship expert Dr. Seth Meyers tells Refinery29. “People who paperclip others should think more about the feelings of the other person,” Dr. Meyers says. “The goal is to become more sensitive and compassionate in your relationships. Discontinuing this insensitive behaviour and becoming more sensitive can set the stage for the kind of emotional maturity they’ll need if they want to sustain a good relationship in the future.”

As for when your ex paperclips you? “While there are exceptions to every rule, a general rule to follow is to avoid people who have already shown you disrespect in the past,” Dr. Meyers says. “Research shows the best  predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.” 

While you can just ignore your paperclipper, you might decide to tell them you know what they’re up to. “I’ve had several people send me screenshots of them sending my comic to people who attempted to paperclip them,” Rothenberg says.

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On the heels of its new restrictions against posts promoting weight loss and cosmetic procedures, Instagram is rolling out yet another measure to combat the ever-growing influence of body alteration, an industry that takes up real estate on nearly every corner of the app. Namely, there will be no more plastic surgery filters.

According to a Facebook statement made by Spark AR, the company that creates Instagram Story filters, over the coming weeks, the Effect Gallery in Instagram Stories will eliminate all filters that give the effect of plastic surgery, and approval of any new plastic surgery-related effects will be indefinitely postponed. As far as the reasoning behind this update, the company shared in its statement that the goal is for “Spark AR effects to be a positive experience and are re-evaluating our existing policies as they relate to well-being.”

These filters run the gamut from the hyper-realistic to the fantastical to the futuristic, including the uber-popular Plastica. Of course, filters, by design, are intended to augment reality, and one can reasonably ask why those that provide a free face lift or lip filler are any more misleading than the myriad freckle or makeup filters still safe on the app. And then there’s the undeniable presence of dozens of third-party photo editing apps, which are what most people use to edit their Instagram photos anyway. (These are arguably worse, since the fact of their usage isn’t indicated the way IG Story filters are named at the top of the Story.) Needless to say, there will still be a ton of unrealistic imagery on Instagram — much of it masked as real.

But ultimately, this ban represents a step towards an Instagram that better prioritises the mental health of its users — many of whom are susceptible to believing the falsehoods peddled by detox tea ads or that the heavily-Facetuned photos gracing their feeds are totally authentic — and encourages transparency across the platform.

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If glitter has inexplicably become a thing you are into again, then chances are you’re familiar with Lemonhead LA. Founder Megan Dugan’s concoctions of high-shine sparkle blended into a sophisticated, non-sticky gel formulation are 2019 trend catnip. The glitter tears making headlines from Euphoria? That’s her product. As is the sparkle from Beyoncé’s well-documented Coachella performance makeup, Priyanka Chopra’s iconic look at the MET Gala, and countless red-carpet looks seen on Margot Robbie, Lady Gaga, and Dua Lipa. It’s nostalgic, fun, and, for £20 a pot, more accessible than most celebrity trends. 

It’s the kind of attention that any small indie brand owner would love. But often, particularly after posting a celeb shot, Dugan’s Instagram DMs are flooded with something uglier: allegations, derogatory comments, and threats. One time, a DMer told her to kill herself, another tried intimidating her with violence if she attended a certain L.A. beauty event. “Anything happy or that shows my success triggers it,” Dugan, 33, says from her company’s small office in North Hollywood, California. In moments like these, she’ll retreat from social media for a few days, leaving her burgeoning brand’s 132,000 followers hanging.

Her brand isn’t the obvious choice for digital harassment: It’s cruelty-free, made in the U.S., gender-neutral, works on all complexions, and it doesn’t appear that she ripped anyone off when launching it back in 2015 — it’s glitter’s environmental impact that’s courting controversy. 

Fear over glitter, the feel-good sparkle we’ve been conditioned to love since kindergarten, seems to have come out of nowhere, but it speaks to a list of concerns that have gained traction as climate change and ocean pollution have become larger international issues. See, glitter is often made from plastic, and environmentalists say it can easily find its way into the ocean where it’s ingested by marine life, an idea that got little reaction just a few years ago. 

Too Faced got some bad press when the brand launched face masks with glitter in them in 2017, but it was nothing compared to earlier this year when cult millennial makeup brand Glossier was met with massive social media backlash after releasing pots of glitter. Like plastic bags and straws, glitter has emerged as a top target by environmentalists, and in its wake, many music festivals have banned glitter, popular stores are cutting it from Christmas displays and packaging, and there’s a growing movement to make it illegal in the same way microbeads were banned all over the world. 

In 2019, everything we use, be it out of necessity or recreation, is being viewed through a new lens of sustainability. Earlier this year, stories came out explaining that clothing made with synthetic fabrics — so basically anything that’s not cotton, silk, or other natural materials — are shedding microplastics in the wash that end up in the ocean, just one more ingredient in the growing plastic soup that is our sea.

The stress and anxiety of it can be debilitating for consumers hearing it for the first time, especially when there is often a socio-economic barrier to making choices deemed better for the environment. Organic is more expensive. A polyester dress is far more affordable compared to silk. And glitter? Gen Z uses it as a form of expression, it’s a linchpin in the aesthetic at LGBTQ+ celebrations, and makeup artists revel in being able to flex their artistry in a striking way.

It’s enough to put an environmental stress lump in your gut and leave anyone feeling like they are forced to choose between the things we’ve grown to love and the future of our planet. 

Still, Lemonhead LA’s Insta DMs are increasingly hostile. But is glitter really the worst thing the beauty industry is creating? Dugan says that glitter has simply become a scapegoat for the beauty industry’s massive pollution problem. “I’m making glitter,” she says. “I’m not the bad guy.” So do we really need to swap glitter for the dull, Portland-inspired garb that defined environmental looks and fashion of yore — or is there a middle ground?

All That Glitters…

First things first: What the heck is cosmetic glitter? And better yet, why do we like it so much? Unlike craft glitter — cosmetic glitter’s rougher, sharper cousin — the version in makeup is traditionally made from thin, sandwiched layers of pigment, aluminum, and a kind of plastic called polyethylene terephthalate (a.k.a. PET) that are cut optimally into tiny particles to best reflect light, says cosmetic chemist Ni’Kita Wilson. It’s the reflection that makes it so sparkly, and it’s the sparkles that draw us in. It’s something that recent studies claim might be appealing because it tricks us into thinking we’re gazing at shimmering water, something we’re hardwired to seek. 

This is also what makes it so potentially damaging. The sparkly stuff gets washed down the drain and into the oceans where fish find it, too. They easily mistake it for prey, says Jonathan Whitney, Ph.D., a postdoctoral research fellow at Pearl Harbor’s NOAA labs. Dr. Whitney previously studied a similar phenomenon with microbeads — the tiny spherical beads used in body wash, toothpaste, and various other products — which were banned from sale last year. Dr. Whitney’s team had found microbeads in the bellies of dead baby fish off the coast of Hawaii, but now he says glitter is even more dangerous.

“Both are too small to be filtered by water treatment plants, so both end up in our waterways and are likely to be eaten by marine animals,” he says. “Beads look just like eggs, and glitter looks like shimmery plankton. Most fish are attracted to shimmery objects that catch the light.” But it gets worse. “Microbeads, being smooth and spherical, actually have a better chance of being [pooped out] without severe damage to animals,” he says. “Glitter, on the other hand, has sharp edges that pose more of a hazard at tearing and perforating guts.”

Plus, those tiny fish work their way up the food chain to us, just one reason why it’s believed that we’re all eating plastic every year. 

Bio Is Better…Right?

Remember Glossier’s internet backlash after launching its Glitter Gelée? To make amends, the brand publicly responded by assuring consumers that the brand would reformulate with biodegradable glitter. Glossier declined to comment for this story outside of assuring us that the reformulation is in the works. But here’s the catch: While there are more environmentally-friendly alternatives coming down the pike, they don’t yet offer the same finish or sparkle, and how much better they are for the environment is debatable. 

Biodegradable glitter is still new — only one major manufacturer has released anything close. “We recognised that plastic glitter was going to be an issue back in 2010, back before anyone was talking about this,” says Stephen Cotton, commercial director of Ronald Britton, one of the largest pigment and glitter manufacturers in the U.K.

The company’s team of chemists got to work formulating a glitter made from plants, and in 2014, it released the first rendition of Bioglitter, a less-environmentally hazardous sparkle. It wasn’t perfect: Most of the plastic, but not all, was replaced by plant-derived cellulose. However, creating something with all the attributes of traditional glitter was still out of reach. Five years later and Bioglitter is still a work in progress; there are limited colours and shapes, and the reflective finish of traditional glitter has yet to be accurately mimicked. It’s pretty close, but like luxurious silk and its finest synthetic alternative, you can tell it’s not the same. 

While not perfect, there’s already a huge market for biodegradable glitter. Brands like Projekt Glitter and Today Glitter have popped up to offer loose glitter and they’re starting to experiment with gels, too, but the Bioglitter tends to come across matte once mixed into a sticky base. Cotton admits it’s not a fair fight just yet, but says that iridescent glitter should roll out later this year and he hopes to have a holographic offering in 2020. 

As of right now, Cotton reports that Sparkle, the most shimmery line from Ronald Britton, degrades up to 87% in fresh water in 28 days, but he says that the company has yet to test degradability in ocean water, so the actual impact is still relatively unknown. “We’re not going to save the planet,” he says — and he doesn’t feel like they need to, they’re just trying to do a little better by the environment. 

But Dr. Whitney points out that, although he fully supports any company developing alternatives to products with plastic, the long-term impacts aren’t readily known — especially with biodegradable glitter that still includes metals, like Bioglitter’s Sparkle line. 

“Sharp, metallicised pieces of cellulose could be just as destructive to a baby fish gut as sharp metallicised pieces of plastic,” Dr. Whitney says. “However, the cellulose should break down much faster, and therefore would not be a hazard for as long.” This isn’t to dull Bioglitter’s impact: The few weeks that it survives is just a fraction of the hundreds of years that plastic glitter is believed to need to degrade in the natural environment. 

Of course, Bioglitter isn’t the first, or last, to claim its products are better for the environment, so Sarah-Jeanne Royer, PhD., a postdoctoral research fellow at Scripps Institution of Oceanography in San Diego, says that being skeptical is best. For example, she points to both studies and anecdotes shared within the scientific community where biodegradable products survive in natural environments for years without breaking down. “If the environment is not suited for degradation, it won’t break down,” she says, noting that truly dissolving into water or earth requires a suitable blend of pressure, UV rays, and bacteria. “Compostable and biodegradable isn’t the solution,” she says. “Finding something shiny that is natural is the key to solving this issue.” 

It’s a point that Dugan says she simply can’t get across to commenters. “You try explaining UV degradation in an Instagram comment!” she says. 

Biodegradability, microplastics, and the long-term ramifications of it all are tough to comprehend, especially since the scientific community is just starting this kind of long-term research. Sometimes it feels like there is bad news every day. After all, who thought about their plastic straw consumption a decade ago? Today we’re learning that just about everything we do is killing the planet, and it’s hard to know what’s what. 

Maybe trolling glitter companies is just a projection of the environmental stress lump we’re all suffering from — or maybe not. Either way, feeling like you’re being forced to give up the fun things in your life for the environment is a relatively new thing. It’s hard and there’s a learning curve, but it’s also fertile ground for making sure every choice we make is thought out. Did all your glitter make it into the trash and not down the drain? Do you need that new product wrapped, shipped, and carried in various forms of plastic? Are you even going to use the new product you’re considering purchasing? And if so, is there an alternative that could be better for the planet? These are questions that we all must ask ourselves. 

Back in L.A., Dugan tells me that, although she doesn’t feel like she’s doing anything wrong, she has a shelf of 30 Bioglitters on deck for special orders and new product formulations. She’s thinking about selling them loose with a separate adhesive to avoid any colours bleeding into her gel formulation, she just hasn’t cracked the code yet.

She assures me that she’s not planning to sell them because she thinks she’s doing something wrong, but she believes that people deserve an option — as long as they are willing to sacrifice the full-on sparkle of her PET-laced formula. “We’re just not there yet,” she says. And until then, she hopes the trolls realise that what they are asking for is more complicated than it seems.

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Vanessa Kirby and Claire Foy’s turns in The Crown may or may not have had something to do with it but the past few years have been dominated by a particularly ladylike aesthetic, or as we like to call it, grandma’s dressing-up box. You know the look: all freshwater pearls, tightly cropped cardigans, pleated hoop skirts and silk scarves. Everyone from Gucci to Burberry championed the return of feminine formality, with kitten heels, trench coats and brooches taking centre stage on the catwalks of fashion month. 

Now, though, we’re turning to another grandparent for sartorial brownie points. Gone are the trappings of lady-of-the-manor femininity; for AW19 it’s all about old man dressing. Borrow your grandad’s slacks and reading glasses, add a sweater vest, upsize your current cardi and replace dainty mules with chunky brogues. There are no strict rules but silhouettes are generally slouchy, shades of grey have replaced beige, and comfort comes first (ideal for cosying up as autumn settles in).

We’re looking to JW Anderson, Victoria Beckham and Preen for heritage argyle knits, ASAI and Alexachung for tweed blazers, and high street favourites COS and Arket for relaxed trousers. Mainstays like Grenson and Churches are the places to find your last-forever brogues, although the high street has plenty of leather and vegan alternatives, too.

Here’s to loose-fitting silhouettes, hibernation-appropriate fabrics and heritage prints. Move over, grandma – AW19 is the season of grandpa style.

The Sweater Vest

Sure, you might associate the sweater vest more with Chandler Bing than the sartorially switched-on, but this season, everywhere from Burberry to Arket has a sleeveless knit on offer. The beauty of this versatile winter warmer is that it can be styled with almost anything. We’re wearing ours over plain white tees, crisp white shirts, printed ’70s blouses and black rollnecks. 

The Slacks

It’s time to park your flared denim and make way for a new kind of trouser. The slack should feel like something Diane Keaton might wear in Annie Hall: a loose-fitting silhouette in a durable material such as tweed or brushed cotton. Chocolate, slate, dove, sand… No matter what hue you choose, your shirt, knit or tee should be firmly tucked in and preferably secured with a vintage leather belt.

Argyle

Huzzah! The traditional Scottish pattern is no longer reserved for dads on a golf weekend. Look to Molly Goddard’s jazzy colour palette for a contemporary take on the print or stick to classics like Pringle of Scotland; the brand synonymous with argyle recently collaborated with H&M on a fantastic range of cosy jumpers. Our favourite colour pairings are mocha and pink, like this Oliver Bonas number, or acid shades like green and yellow.

The Blazer

The blazer is nothing new but colourful ’80s power shoulders and sleek Saint Laurent cocktail jackets have made way for all-out grey. The bigger the lapel, the better, and this season we’re adding silk pocket squares, not glitzy brooches, to the jacket. Layer over everything from your favourite knit to a plain white tee.

Corduroy

The Graduate-esque corduroy is having its moment in the sun thanks to brands like Gucci, Alexachung and ASAI. Sure, pastel hues and ice cream shades are sweet, but we’re sticking with autumnal colours, from ginger nut to hot chocolate. Quality is key here: seek out fabrics with the deepest of ridges.

The Glasses Chain

What would your reading glasses be without a thoroughly grandpa-style chain? Influencers and editors alike were seen with chains attached to their sunnies at London Fashion Week in September; now that the sun has well and truly disappeared, move them over to your specs instead. We’re going for Staud’s tortoiseshell number.

The Brogue

Ah, the classic brogue. Daintier shoes have dominated the past few seasons – think of the kitten heel, mule and naked sandal – but the return of stomping boots brought a more masculine approach to footwear. We’re rolling up our trouser hems and wearing with argyle socks and patterned tights.

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Once in a while, Netflix drops a creepy movie that sends the internet reeling. (Hi, Bird Box and all its many memes!) This October, the Netflix movie sending Twitter into a tailspin is Eli, a new horror film about a sick boy (Charlie Shotwell) whose parents Rose (Kelly Reilly) and Paul (Max Martini) send him to a special institute so that Dr. Horn (Lili Taylor) can cure the autoimmune disease. In case you already suspected, all is not what it seems: The twist ending of Eli is so unexpected and dramatic, fans aren’t sure how to feel.

Umm did anybody else watch Eli on @netflix because JESUS what a twist #eli pic.twitter.com/Nupl8GFhkl

— beth ✨ (@feistyfacexo) October 18, 2019

Woah. #Eli on Netflix was better than I thought it’d be. What. A. Twist. pic.twitter.com/XQKDBHH9LI

— ⚡️ l i v ⚡️ (@ollivia_anne) October 19, 2019

Watched Eli on Netflix. Fairly standard ghost story, but still pretty well made. And then a ridiculous twist that had me like… pic.twitter.com/rGdVkNtDbg

— Eric Vespe (@EricVespe) October 19, 2019

Sorry but Netflix’s Eli didn’t really work for me. Not a fan of the twist.

— ZAK is a Vampire 🎃 (@Zakiyyah6) October 23, 2019

In the film, Eli’s mum is particularly enthusiastic that Dr. Horn, a “miracle worker,” will fix the illness that keeps Eli confined to his home. However, when Eli gets to the haunted manor of an institute, and finds himself the only patient, things get…weird. 

Eli starts experiencing very unsettling supernatural phenomenon, which is dismissed by everyone as nothing more than a side effect of his (very painful) treatments. It’s only his window visitor Haley (Stranger Things star Sadie Sink) who encourages him to explore the theory that Dr. Horn killed all her other patients: Haley has never seen any of the others leave. 

Obviously, something very sinister is up with the institute, but it’s nearly impossible to predict Eli’s real deal until pretty late into the movie.

After Eli finds files that show other patients were killed by Dr. Horn, he pleads with his parents to leave, but despite his protests, they stop him from escaping. They know that Eli doesn’t really have an autoimmune issue: The reason Eli wasn’t allowed outside for all those years was because — ready for it? Eli is actually the son of the devil. 

how this go from a sick boy who can’t go outside, goes to a suspicious treatment center and feels ambushed by everyone to being the son of the devil and that’s why them kids been dying at this place???

and got the nerve to be named Eli 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

— unfriendlyblackhottie. (@lawren_notloren) October 18, 2019

The whole time I thought eli on Netflix was about a kid who’s sick lmao it’s a whole ass demon devil exorcist movie lol

— ♡Annette (@Nettyy_) October 23, 2019

HELLO what is this netflix Eli movie that ended up being a freaking SON OF SATAN kind of movie???? what the fuCK

— julia (@mapleparadox) October 21, 2019

Eli’s mother was unable to conceive a child, so she prayed to Satan in order to get pregnant. The devil promised it would be totally chill to give birth to the spawn of Satan, but as Rose notes in the film, the devil always lies. (Had Rose done a little bit of research, she would have realised quickly that this was, in fact, an incredibly stupid plan.) Rose kept Eli away from the world so that he wouldn’t hurt anyone as his powers progressed, in hopes that she could one day have Eli “fixed” of the problems caused by his disturbing parentage. The treatments given to Eli by Dr. Horn — a nun as well as a doctor — were just infusions of holy water, which caused Eli immense pain but suppressed his evil powers. 

After seeing how strong Eli is, Dr. Horn moves forward with her real plan. She’s killed all of the other spawns of Satan who came under her care, and has to do the same to Eli in order to “save his soul.” Eli, however, doesn’t take this very well. Using his newfound powers to murder the doctor and her nurses, Eli confronts his parents about the truth. Despite everything, Rose wants to protect her child, but Eli’s dad sees that this whole “child of the devil” thing will only go badly for everyone. Paul attempts to kill Eli, but he’s simply too strong: Using his telekinetic powers, Eli literally causes Paul’s face to explode, making Satan Eli’s only remaining daddy. 

Dad’s face blew up real good….. #Eli

— Saltydawg (@Saltydawg) October 19, 2019

Eli escapes the institute with his mother, and is greeted by Haley. She is also a child of Satan (“dad gets around,” she jokes) and wants to introduce Eli to his real father. Rose, whom Eli tells Haley he still trusts, drives them away from the burning hospital.

While some people were on the fence about the bonkers ending, other people were like: Sequel, please.

Watched the @netflix Paramount acquisition #ELI last night. Nice, tight, effective little horror film, with a good cast and an enjoyable twist. When it was over, I immediately wanted to see what happens next, because shit just got REALLY interesting. Sequel please.

— Robot Monster Burnett (@BurnettRM) October 23, 2019

@netflix , I see that a lot of people have been voicing their dissatisfaction with the movie #Eli, so I too wanted to #ChimeIn. First off….I.LOVED.It! Yes – the ending was a total 180. Like…#WTF. But it was great. Great cast. Great plot. We need a sequel! #NetflixOriginal ✌🏽

— Brandon Patterson (@BrandonHeath86) October 22, 2019

It is so sad to hear that #ELI dont have a sequel. I think it is another #chillingadventuresofsabrina

— ZuanBaba (@SyazwanBaba) October 21, 2019

I, for one, would totally watch a spin-off show about these three people trying to make it work as a normal family. It could happen: The devil works hard, but when it comes to crazy content…Netflix works harder.

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It was a showdown between Young Millennial and Old Millennial, between socialist renegade and billionaire frat bro, between US Congress and Big Tech.

On Wednesday, members of Congress grilled Mark Zuckerberg about data privacy, hate speech, fake political ads, and more, in a hearing that was originally supposed to be about Facebook’s Libra cryptocurrency project but ended up being about pretty much everything Facebook-related, which seems appropriate given the tech giant’s questionable role in politics. But it was Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who, in her inimitable way, took him to task about whether Facebook allows politicians to lie in their ads.

“Would I be able to run advertisements on Facebook targeting Republicans in primaries saying that they voted for the Green New Deal? I mean, if you’re not fact-checking political advertisements, I’m just trying to understand the bounds here, what’s fair game,” Ocasio-Cortez asked.

“Congresswoman, I don’t know the answer to that off the top of my head, I think probably,” Zuckerberg responded.

“Do you see a potential problem here with a complete lack of fact-checking on political advertisements?” she asked, to which he responded, “Well, Congresswoman, I think lying is bad, and I think if you were to run an ad that had a lie in it, that would be bad. That’s different from it being…in our position, the right thing to do to prevent your constituents or people in an election from seeing that you had lied.”

She then asked whether Facebook would take down political ads with blatant lies in them. “In most cases, in a democracy, I believe that people should be able to see for themselves what politicians that they may or may not vote for are saying and judge their character for themselves,” Zuckerberg said. (So the answer is no, then.)

“So, you won’t take down lies or you will take down lies? I think that’s just a pretty simple yes or no.”

Complete exchange between @RepAOC @AOC and Mark Zuckerberg at today’s House Financial Services Cmte hearing.

Full video here: https://t.co/heT7Psnlp1 pic.twitter.com/0iiWtfU5gQ

— CSPAN (@cspan) October 23, 2019

Many on the internet took note not only of what Ocasio-Cortez asked Zuckerberg, but of how she asked it. People responded with fire emojis, old-and-young-millennial comparisons, and even Succession memes.

“In your ongoing dinner parties w/ far right figures some of who advance theories that white supremacy is a hoax …” @AOC exposing the casualization of techno-capital racism: “DINNER PARTIES” https://t.co/xrvojKS0DJ

— Minh-Ha T. Pham (@minh81) October 23, 2019

AOC versus Zuck is the young millennial-old millennial showdown we don’t even deserve.

— Irin Carmon (@irin) October 23, 2019

i mean come on, this is too easy pic.twitter.com/PFhUbIAFX7

— Brian Grubb (@briancgrubb) October 23, 2019

And finally, could he have said “Congresswoman” any more times?!

I just need Mark Zuckerberg to stop saying “Congresswoman”

— natalie g (@nataliereports) October 23, 2019

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Scorpio season is officially here, and we’re starting out strong with a new moon on October 27. New moons always represent beginnings, renewal, and rebirth — meaning this energy is a perfect fit for Scorpio, the sign of sex, death, transformation, and the occult.  

“Deepening an already heavy focus in the most enigmatic of all signs, this moon is bound to be a game-changer,” Naryana Montúfar, Senior Astrologer for Astrology.com and Horoscope.com, tells Refinery29. “And although the road might not be easy, the place where we end up will resonate with us so long as we don’t resist change. It is coming.”

To understand more about this change, we look to the positions of the other planets. “Uranus, the planet of the unexpected, will be sitting exactly across from this moon — a position that makes him one of the main stellar forces at play,” Montúfar explains. “Surprises (good ones and bad ones) could shake us at our core, and they will likely be related to either relationships or money.”

Astrologer Lisa Stardust adds that the position of Uranus indicates that “shakeups, breakups, and breakdowns may occur, leaving us all flabbergasted. We may form strange and unusual unions with others who we may have declared an ‘enemy,’ ‘frenemy,’ or ‘ex.’” 

It’s not just Uranus at work. Montúfar says, “During this lunation, this moon’s planetary rulers, Pluto (modern astrology) and Mars (traditional astrology) are involved with Saturn, the planet of responsibility and boundaries. Tough decisions might have to be made, and our inability to express what we desire at the time might bring some frustration. The one most important thing to remember here is that we don’t always get to make the rules — right now, our job is finding ways to work within them. As cosmic teacher, Saturn tests our ability to stay gracious in the face of challenging circumstances.”

Stardust points out that this new moon also aligns with Syrma, a fixed star in the constellation of Virgo. This means “we may be inclined to use this luminary as a chance to make amends with others and start fresh,” she says. “Don’t forget, Scorpio is the sign of transformation, and a resurrection of an old relationship may be possible now — especially since Mercury is in its retrograde shadow (which began October 11th).”

You might be tempted to resist all this change, but you should embrace it. “While Scorpio’s uncompromising nature might make us dig in our heels because of the emotional intensity of the situation at hand, the secret lies in grounding ourselves and detaching as much as possible,” Montúfar says. “Then we can access this sign’s intuitive and penetrating perception and tenaciously make better decisions for ourselves.” 

Gabriela Herstik, author of Inner Witch: A Modern Guide to the Ancient Craft, suggests celebrating the new moon with meditation or a ritual. “Scorpio is the sign of sex, drugs, rock ’n’ roll, and the occult, so it’s a really powerful time for any work around those things,” she says.

You can reflect on death and the afterlife, create an altar to your ancestors, or bring to mind what you want to let go of during this new moon. Herstik suggests meditating on the Death tarot card, scrying (gazing into a crystal ball, concave black mirror, or bowl of water), working with black and red crystals, or practicing sex magick. “Anything that has you focusing on your inner world and gazing at it in a way that you usually wouldn’t,” she says.

If it’s part of your spiritual practice, Herstik recommends “working with dark goddesses,” such as Kali, Hecate, Lilith, Morrigan, or La Santa Muerte. “Shadows aren’t evil, they’re just another aspect of who we are,” she says. “It’s an equivalent to the dark moon phase itself.”

No matter your practice, Scorpio season is a powerful time. “This is a time for witches to really embrace their shadows and their darkness,” Herstik says. “A lot of us are taught that those feelings should be hidden, and we’re not allowed to have them. But during Scorpio season, we have full reign to embrace those parts of ourselves.”

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There’s a reason we can barely scroll through our social media channels without hurtling eyeballs-first into a saccharine quote about happiness, an inspiring message or a motivational meme: positivity is powerful.

Often, holding onto even the tiniest threads of hope can help us pull through challenging thought spirals, moments of anxiety or difficult circumstances. It’s comforting to know that after a period of low mood, the sky will clear and the sun will shine once more. Perhaps, we might think, I’m not as bad as my brain is making me out to be today. Perhaps life isn’t as catastrophic as it feels right now.

Conversely though, positivity isn’t the best way to help other people and can even have a damaging effect if they’ve come to you for support. The term ‘toxic positivity’ refers to the concept that focusing on so-called positive emotions and rejecting anything that may trigger negative emotions is the right way to live life.

It is often used to describe this kind of response – a sort of unintentional gaslighting – which, whether the individual realises it or not, ends up stopping someone short of expressing how they truly feel.

Natalie, 34, was so frustrated by the responses she got from friends when she spent two years trying to get a new job that she stopped telling them when she went for interviews at all.

“If I wasn’t successful, they would say things like, ‘There’ll be an even better one just around the corner’ or ‘It’s not so bad in the grand scheme of things’.

“But sometimes I hated my job so much, I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And then I’d get phrases like, ‘Oh well, it could be worse!’ Or, ‘If you just stay positive, you will get the job!’ It’s just not how it works and there’s a dishonesty to it. It made me feel worse and I dreaded the responses so much I decided to keep everything to myself.

“I just wished someone could say, ‘You know what, that really sucks’.”

Clara, 38, went through agony when her son was diagnosed with cancer at 9 months old.

“He’s fine now but we went through six months of chemo and surgery and it was very traumatic,” she tells Refinery29.

“I was blogging about it and talking about it all the time. A lot of people would say, ‘It will be fine’, ‘Keep smiling’, ‘You’re an inspiration’, and that’s not what I needed at the time.

“It just didn’t resonate at all, so I didn’t get anything from it, it wasn’t helpful, and it kind of made me feel bad for feeling bad.

“We were obviously worried and traumatised and depressed. That sort of response makes you want to justify why you’re feeling sad, and you kind of end up arguing with the person about why you should be feeling sad.”

Scientist Fatima, 33, talks about a “weird cult” of toxic positivity in academia which she feels invalidates the toll that the work can take on an individual’s mental health.

“People just brush over all the negative and really emotionally draining aspects of the career path and only focus on how it leads to the good parts,” she says.

“‘Once you finish your thesis you’ll feel much more prepared as an academic’, they’ll say, or, ‘Funding is very competitive, just keep applying and you’ll get a grant eventually’.

“It makes me feel like I’m not meant to be on that career path since I don’t seem to be as accepting. It’s a lot of pressure and very lonely.”

Meanwhile, influencer Jodie, 26, became frustrated by some of the responses she got when she was badly trolled online.

“It started when I did a show called Rich Kids Go Skint and people were saying all kinds of things to me online,” she continues. “They were saying they wanted to punch me and slap me, they constantly criticised the way I look, the way I dress, said that I’m a spoilt brat and I have no clue about the real world.

“I think a lot of times friends just didn’t understand what being trolled feels like. You can try and focus on the positive but it will still drag you down, and bring on your anxiety.

“Sometimes I wish people would sit down and let me talk about why it gets me down, rather than trying to give me just positive, short answers.”

The truth is, you can’t make someone feel happy if they do not by telling them to “look on the bright side” or “keep your chin up”. You can’t rid them of their fears and problems by bombarding their WhatsApp with cute animal videos, although it may give them a short-term pleasure response. When people tell you how they feel, more often than not they want to have their feelings validated, their problems normalised, and to feel listened to.

Noel McDermott is a clinical psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience.

“The way we’re designed emotionally is to have emotions or not have them,” he tells us. 

“We can’t select which emotions we’re going to have. If we try to get rid of one set of emotions, we’ll get rid of them all and become numb to both pleasant and unpleasant emotions. If you try to get rid of bad emotions, you damage your whole internal world.

“A good example of people who will typically try to only feel good feelings is someone who suffers from substance misuse. The effect of misuse on their happiness is short term, and it quickly starts to make them feel extremely bad.”

Emotions, he continues, whether they are pleasant or not, give us lots of information very quickly about whether a situation is safe or not, whether to pursue something or to back off completely.

Instead of ignoring negative feelings, we should use our experiences to build resilience, so we are better able to cope with similar situations in the future.

“Better wellbeing should include resilience rather than positivity bias [focusing only on being happy], because it denies resilience-building experiences.

“If you avoid feelings that challenge you – or encourage others to avoid them – you narrow the range of relationships you can have, and you narrow the life experiences you can have.

“Because we’re social animals, we work best when we have a group of people we can relate to intimately. The narrower the social range of people around us, the less healthy we are.”

Dr Daria Kuss, an associate professor in psychology at Nottingham Trent University, is an expert in emotional psychology.

She talks about a psychological concept called ‘limbic resonance’, or the ability to mirror the feelings of another person in order to deepen our connection with them.

“Mirroring sadness with our own unhappiness helps people to feel understood and supported,” she says.

“If you’re trying to help someone, the most important thing is not problem solving but listening attentively and mirroring.

“If they are miserable, then it means not undermining that experience, giving them your full attention and full acknowledgement of what they are feeling.”

Makes sense, doesn’t it? So why are so many of us using these throwaway phrases of positivity, rather than a dialogue that would be more helpful?

Dr Kuss says that our own fear of negativity is a likely factor.

“We’ve learned to use those kind of phrases because it’s an easy way out, and it stops us having to mirror another person’s unhappiness, so it allows us to induce a state of happiness in ourselves rather than feel what they are feeling.”

And of course there’s that British stiff upper lip to contend with – that ‘paint a face on it’ attitude which can sometimes do as much harm as it can good.

“If we’re thinking about the queen, she’ll just deal with it and get on with it,” Dr Kuss adds.

McDermott says many of us end up succumbing to toxic positivity because we are concerned about being responsible for someone else.

“I think a lot of this comes from people feeling overwhelmed,” he adds.

“Instead, you might be a resource. Let’s try and empathise with people. You listen nonjudgementally, you don’t try to problem solve and you talk about similar experiences or feelings instead.

“The majority of people I see as clients just need a damn good listening to. And nothing much more than that.

“It also helps to normalise their problems by relating to them and not making them feel strange for feeling sad,” he concludes.

“It’s about supporting them in reducing the impact these problems have on their everyday life.”

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Dear Daniela,

As a hormonal teen, I dreamed of the day I’d become a ‘grown-up lady’ and escape my problem skin and greasy hair. Unfortunately, at the ripe old age of 34, as an endometriosis and PCOS sufferer I’m still a victim of my raging hormones and my hair needs washing every day. If I skip a wash, by day two it is noticeably greasy and needs a liberal dousing of dry shampoo. By the third day, it hangs in thick, lank, greasy clumps, way beyond help. I’m desperate to find a decent everyday clarifying shampoo that can finally tame my oily locks and help my hair last longer between washes. Ideally I’m looking for something eco-friendly and free from parabens, silicones, sulfates and phthalates, too. But I might be asking for a miracle!

PLEASE HELP!!

Rachael, 34

I take no pleasure whatsoever in your predicament. That being said, I really cannot pass up an opportunity to talk about one of my top five favourite beauty topics: scalp care! (The other four are SPF, retinol, highlighters that look dewy but not sparkly and really ridiculously luxurious body creams.) Essentially, I don’t think the problem is your hair per se. I think it’s your scalp.

I understand that sounds like a bit of a cop-out and that you’re probably thinking, Hair, scalp, potato, poh-ta-to, right? Well, they do get washed together, but in cases like this I think it’s worth remembering both of these entities for what they are: skin and hair respectively. They obviously have a synergistic relationship but the root cause (pardon the pun) of your problem lies with your scalp and not your hair. Your scalp is just skin – the very same skin that’s on your face – so if you struggle with oiliness on your complexion, it stands to reason that your hair will, too.

“There are comparatively more sebaceous glands on the scalp than the face,” explained trichologist Zoë Passam at the Philip Kingsley Clinic, and this is thanks to the innumerable hair follicles themselves. “Sebum production is primarily under the control of androgens (male hormones), with higher levels increasing sebum production. The surge in androgen production in puberty is what gives you the typical greasy hair of adolescence. This usually tapers off as the hormones settle down, but in individuals who are more sensitive to androgens, the oiliness may persist,” she added. That’s where your PCOS comes in – but you didn’t need me to tell you that.

So, what to do? I think you’re a prime candidate for a scalp toner. Used after washing, one with slightly astringent properties can help control oil production and keep your hair feeling cleaner for longer – Passam suggested witch hazel as a good ingredient, and Philip Kingsley Scalp Toner is a brilliant place to start, with the aforementioned witch hazel and menthol to refresh and soothe. You could also try adding in a weekly scalp deep cleanse with the Bumble & bumble Scalp Detox, a mousse that uses micellar technology to lift away debris and which has a very pleasing cooling effect on the scalp.

Unfortunately, you’re most likely never going to be one of those people who can eke out a blow-dry for four days, but that’s no bad thing, as your regular washing is definitely helping. “Studies have shown that the rate at which sebum is removed from the scalp has no bearing on sebum production, so shampooing more often will not make your hair more greasy. Ensuring the hair is thoroughly wet prior to applying shampoo will also allow the shampoo to work more effectively,” Passam explained. If you really can’t bear it some days (and I don’t blame you for that, hair washing and drying is arduous), the Klorane Dry Shampoo with nettle is a good stopgap, helping to absorb oil without any talc.

Shampoo-wise, I think a clear shampoo will usually be a good shout for you to avoid it being too moisturising and heavy, and I’ve really enjoyed the Kérastase Micellar range. You mentioned in your longer letter that you wanted to avoid ‘chemicals’, and while that’s totally your prerogative, seeing as all hair is dead keratin, I personally care a lot less about the use of silicones or what have you on my hair than I do on my skin. Just a thought!

Otherwise, be super scrupulous with your shampooing, take time for scalp treatments and keep conditioner for the lengths and ends of your hair only. Once you get the oil under control through shampooing and toning, you’ll find it easier to build manageable volume without the grease to weigh you down.

Good luck!

Daniela 

Got a question for our resident beauty columnist Daniela Morosini? No problem, qualm or dilemma is too big, small or niche. Email deardaniela@refinery29.uk, including your name and age for a chance to have your question answered. All letters to ‘Dear Daniela’ become the property of Refinery29 and will be edited for length, clarity, and grammatical correctness.

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How does one woman disappear without a trace? Not just any woman. We’re talking about a high-profile, very wealthy woman with a reputation for enjoying the extravagancies of life. Someone who, until the day she disappeared, was on a world stadium tour promoting her billion-euro empire. Her birthday party was held at London’s V&A Museum and Tom Jones performed. She was well known in her industry, well respected by her peers and adored by followers the world over. Even if you don’t recognise the name Dr Ruja Ignatova, you’ll be fascinated and amazed by her wild story so far.

Dr Ruja is the face and founder of OneCoin, a cryptocurrency which promised investors that they were buying into the money of the future. It launched in 2014 and by 2017 had been joined by more than 3 million people but then two years ago, Dr Ruja disappeared. She stopped turning up to the huge events and arena-size conferences where she would spread the word of her supposedly revolutionary new financial system. Though OneCoin still exists today, Dr Ruja hasn’t been seen or heard from since 2017.

There’s a big scandal at the heart of this wild goose chase but first, some context. OneCoin is advertised as a digital currency and was promoted as the next Bitcoin (one of the biggest and best known cryptocurrencies out there). It promised a new financial model that bypassed traditional banks and governments and would make early investors very rich because of incredibly low exchange rates. OneCoin reportedly raised £4 billion in investment around the world but prosecutors in America are arguing that it is in fact a pyramid scheme disguised as a cryptocurrency. It turns out lots of people who bought into the scheme are slowly realising that OneCoin isn’t what they thought it would be.

Led by host Jamie Bartlett with producer Georgia Catt, The Missing Cryptoqueen takes us through the organisation’s incredible back story. For the last six months, the team behind the podcast have been trying to track down OneCoin’s missing leader and get to the bottom of why she vanished. The journey is messy, tense and near-unbelievable.

We hear from one of the world’s highest earning multi-level marketers who was brought on board in OneCoin’s early days to help sell the currency and lead the organisation’s swift financial growth. There’s the evasive man who organised the Miss OneLife beauty pageant in Bucharest in April 2019 – a confusing piece of the OneCoin puzzle that gives an idea of the nature and the type of big money circulating the scheme. We also hear from a number of ex-employees and people who were almost recruited to the company but were stopped by the conviction that this ‘currency’ they were selling wasn’t actually legit.  

Of all the wild revelations that come up in the podcast, though, the most heartbreaking is from 49-year-old Jen McAdam from Glasgow. Along with an estimated 70,000 other people in the UK, Jen bought packages from OneCoin but has been unable to trade or cash in her shares. She tells Jamie she invested about €10,000 herself and encouraged friends and family to invest a total of roughly €250,000 in OneCoin packages. She’s now in more financial trouble than ever and is overwhelmed by the guilt of bringing her loved ones into a scheme which she is now convinced is a very successful scam.

“We thought we had changed our lives. We thought we had changed our family lives,” Jen tells Jamie of her initial excitement after watching a OneCoin webinar. She’s now part of a victims’ network that stretches across the world and connects people like herself, who invested their life savings into the currency and are now stuck and unable to do anything about getting their money back.

The podcast has put their allegations to OneCoin, which insists that it is not a scam at all. “OneCoin verifiably fulfils all criteria of the definition of a cryptocurrency,” has been the organisation’s response throughout. But as The Missing Cryptoqueen’s investigation into OneCoin and its missing founder deepens, it all gets increasingly shady.

In March of this year, Dr Ruja was charged with wire fraud, securities fraud and conspiracy but still, no one knows where she is. The Missing Cryptoqueen podcast has some hunches where she might be, though. Over eight episodes (plus one surprise interlude episode recorded from an airport) you’ll hear as clues are put together in real time to track down the now elusive woman behind the billion-dollar company that ordinary people are claiming isn’t what they thought it was. It’s a gripping journey that seems almost unreal. But it is real. And finding the woman who’s been MIA for the last two years does seem plausible with the help of crucial sources who pop up along the way. Whether Dr Ruja materialises by the end of episode eight, we’ll all have to wait and see. Just know it’ll be one hell of a journey to get there.

Listen to The Missing Cryptoqueen podcast on BBC Sounds

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